actually, I'm a sock model
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
