That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize