You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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