Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize