the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
