i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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