This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
