my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
