wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
