we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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