What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
