Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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