So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
