I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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