i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
