he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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