i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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