The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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