Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
