on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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