Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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