umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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