Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
