It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
