you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
