the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
