i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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