Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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