she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
