I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
