I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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