I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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