I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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