I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
