He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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