So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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