I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
