I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
