So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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