She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
