some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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