i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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