We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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