I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
