Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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