So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
