Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
