before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
