Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize