Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize