Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
