You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
