You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
