I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
