the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
