Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize