protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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