Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
