chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
