I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
