She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize