The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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