You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
