so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
