Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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