On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
