Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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