sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
