just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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