Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
